Ok...you're probably reading the title and thinking to yourself, "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, honey-child?" (sorry, i had to release the inner old and loving black grandma) But yes, i actually know some ways to be un-datable. Below, i have things to help you....yes, YOU...to be the most un-datable kid on the block.
Why would i write something like this???? 'Cause i felt like it....Plus, it's 7:36 AM and i couldnt sleep much. Who knew that drinking three glasses of Dr. Pepper at Chili's after 10 PM would do that to you. (Yes Jerusha, you were right.)
Is it that depressing? I don't think so.
When you're reading this, if you can't notice the VERY BLATANT use of sarcasm being used...then it won't make any sense to you. HA! So there...
So, to be completely un-datable, you have to:
1.) Be a nice guy. Nice? Being nice doesn't get you anywhere! Girls want a guy that has a little bit of a mean-streak in them. They want a guy that will tease them, embarrass them in front of all her bff's, and will truly say "Why yes baby, you DO look fat in those jeans." Isn't that so much better than a guy that opens doors for you, is considerate if you need to blow off some steam, and give a friendly hug when feeling down? Being nice only shows that you have feelings and that you actually care about others....which means that they can be easily crushed. So...be a big jerk, you fatty. (I'm sorry, you're not fat. im just making a point.)
2.) Talk to her about what she likes. Who cares what she likes or feels or thinks...it's all about YOU. If she talks and opens up to you, it might actually start...(brace yourself)...A GOOD CONVERSATION! AHHH!!!! Talk about all 50,000 clubs you were in in high school. Talk about how you "only" got a 3.96 GPA and your friends, who you're "smarter than", got 4.0's. Talk about how you learned some impossible language on "your" (it's not "your" mission, it's the Lord's.) and had to save your comp from the grip of a menacing python by using the machete conveniently stored in your backpack. Asking her about herself only shows that you're interested in her and that you care. And who wants that, right?
3.) Be funny and have a personality. Jokes are a good icebreaker, right? But if the ice is solid and you can walk on it, why break it? Jokes can show a lighter side of you, which is totally detracting from the oh-so-dull person you definitely are. Plus, if you’re funny, then it can result in the case of hiccups which can lead to minutes of minor annoyance. HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO SOMEONE….JERK!!! So go ahead, be dull. A “wet blanket”. A “stick in the mud”. A “worry wart”….or whatever “mommy” words you can think of. She will know exactly how you’ll act. Like a big robot. Hey, it cuts out any spontaneous moments or random acts of excitement.
4.) Stand up for what you believe. Honestly, what kind of girl would want a guy that has high moral standards, sticks up for his beliefs, and treats girls with dignity and respect? That’s so old-fashioned! (…I’m sorry, this is so short. I couldn’t think of more to type. My bad, yo.)
5.) And finally…be committed. Don’t weigh yourself down with someone that will go through thick-and-thin with you and stick it out to the end. Go for the quick fix! The temporary high! The flash in the pan! Go for the “Vanilla Ice” kind of person….cool and catchy at first, then it gets old, then horribly annoying, then the “OH MY GOSH! WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?! Sounds fun, huh? Commitments lead to trust, which leads to love, which leads to (possibly, maybe) marriage. Remove that ball and chain! Free yourself! Be a forever single…roaming the land like Moroni, “and whither I go it mattereth not…for I am alone”.
….Now you’re thinking, “Peter what are you talking about? Being a nice guy, talking to her about what she likes, being funny and having a personality, standing up for what you believe in, and being committed are VERY good things. Why would that make someone un-datable????”
That’s my point exactly. Those ARE things that makes a person very datable, yet some girls still go for those that don’t do these things. Then, after realizing their folly, howl at the moon yelling “if only, if only!!!” and then question themselves unfairly over their choices. I definitely try to have the good qualities, but it’s always a work in progress. Still no luck as of yet on the dating and relationship front, but no big worries. Why? They’ll come. The outlook on it is changing in a good way. :)
‘Til then, we can sit back. Pull up a chair. Crack open some A&W Root Beer cans, and keep on keeping’ on.
No comments:
Post a Comment