So by now, i realize im not the best blogger out there, but i think/attempt to get straight to the point. Other times i try to sound witty or funny, but for now on im going to try to cut all that crap out of it, because having it just plain spoken is more of the real me.
It's been almost 3 weeks since Becky broke up with me. I've been doing better moving past it and trying to parachute back to Earth safely, but it's been rocky still. Typically when you lose someone that you discuss marrying one day and the next you're getting told "i can't be with you...ever", it doesn't just get dropped right away. Getting shot point blank in the chest with the ultimate "no" takes a while to heal, but the good news is that im out of the hospital bed and walking again for my emotional physical therapy. Being off-track hasn't helped that much in getting out and about to meet new people. Do i hate her or spite her for what happened? No way, i couldn't ever do that to her. I'm not gonna lie though, whenever i see her at church or walk by her apartment, i'll occasionally hear the strands of "If You Ever Come Back" from The Script stream on my mental Pandora, perhaps hoping for that chance that most likely won't happen. In that case, i try not to dwell too much on it. I sometimes have to relate the story to that ask, but i try to give a condensed version whenever i can.
With that, i sometimes think, "Man...i did all i could to be the best guy possible, and it still didn't work out...what more can i do for the future?" The answer to that is....well, if i personally had it, i wouldn't be asking. Only God knows. So if my future wife is somehow reading this, all i can say is that im not perfect by any means, but you'll without a doubt know how much you mean to me and have someone loyal and honest (to a fault) as i am right by your side. That's all i'll say about that.
Other than that, work is going good. It can be equal parts fun and crazy, but one thing i've been able to learn is that serving someone else can be rewarding like you can't imagine. Working with those with developmental disabilities tiring, but in the back of mind are the paraphrased words from my boss: "WE help them now, but THEY will be helping us get into Heaven." Think about it
My eyes are getting heavy and i need my weekend sleeping in. (This beats a pen and paper journal any day)
Peter, how I wish I could give you a hug!
ReplyDeleteThis quote stuck out to me - "Man...i did all i could to be the best guy possible, and it still didn't work out...what more can i do for the future?"
Now, don't take me wrong - it's very good to try to inspect ourselves and find and correct problems. But when I read your quote, this story came to mind: http://www.lds.org/new-era/1973/01/the-currant-bush?lang=eng
I don't know much about the relationship. Sometimes things happen because of our own failings, sometimes because of others' agency, and sometimes they simply just happen. But *none* of it is catching our Father off guard. He knows what he has in store for you, He knows where He wants you. And as long as you stay faithful to Him, none of that will be taken from you. It's a lesson I'm learning about trusting Him - faith isn't just saying "I know if I believe enough you'll send me all the good things I want." It's learning to say - "I'll trust you, no matter what."
It seems I am developing a list of situations where I felt something slipped out of my hands, only to find later that there was something better fitting my needs that was yet to come. Or sometimes there was something that needed to first change in me or something that I needed to learn - not that I was wrong before, but that I simply wasn't where I needed to be yet. I'm learning patience, and learning to trust.
I don't know if that made sense, or if it helped, but that's what came to mind.