"Stay Forever"

One of my favorite shows the last year or so has been How I Met Your Mother. The last episode, which was titled "Stay Forever", made me all saddish and nostalgic because you see the group of friends on the show move on in different stages of life and slowly drift apart, yet the yearning to have the group "stay forever". As i approach my 1 year anniversary and see some of my friends moving on in life, i want those friendships to stay forever as well. Excuse me now as i wax all poetic.

I remember back in Spring 2011 when it was my second semester here at Y-I. My previous roommates before either got married or moved back home for an off-track, so i was all by myself to find new roommates and pray they didn't suck. I got to Sunrise Village and the first roommate i met was Jesse, who was still moving some of his stuff around. Later that day I met BJ, who was my room-roommate. Slowly, us three became friends. There were the painful sunburnt times at Egin Lakes, the random barbeques during the first 7-week break, and runs to Jack-in-the-Box on occasion. Later on we added along some Canadians and Trevor to the group and we had such a solid apartment. We all shared good times, bad times, heartbreaks and so on. For the most part, Me and BJ and Jesse roomed together for about two years; adding Trevor and it was about a year or so.

Through it all, myself and BJ and Jesse each started dating great women and slowly all of us got engaged and then married to those great women. Jesse and his wife had a baby back in April, BJ and his wife just had a baby, and myself and Natalie haven't had a baby yet, but sometime in the future. And Trevor has moved on down the Weber State to start a new chapter/major. It's been awesome to see us all grow and move on in life.

And that's what kind of scares me as well....

I'm not sure i'm prepared yet to see some of my good friends move on and move away. I've already seen a couple of my good friends move on and it sucks. I'm terrible at making new friends, i don't exactly see myself as very approachable at first. So when i do make good friends and get to hang out with them as they're now parents or what not, i want them to stay forever. I want my beautiful wife to stay forever. I don't want it to change. I want these friendships to be the kind that send each other Christmas cards or something and brag about kids and so on. But things will change and people will move on about their lives. I feel like i have to say thank you to friends for simply sticking it out with me and Natalie. Yeah i'm lame, but i'm so grateful for them all.

(With Natalie, i want this to stay forever and it can be. We're approaching that 1 year mark and while some may see us as marriage rookies, i'm excited but also nervous for the future: What we'll be doing and when to grow our family and when to start grad school and where to live, etc. As we continue to learn and grow into our roles as husband and wife, there is so much ahead that life will bring. As we each give 100% effort in supporting one another, life opens up and becomes easier than it would be alone.)

To my good friends and my beautiful wife, please stay forever

7 months and counting

(In advance, i'll warn everyone that i talk a lot about marriage in posts and blogs since it's my field of study. Just so you all know...)

So i had this really long story blog all figured out yesterday and was planning on finishing it up today, but as i thought more about it, i scrapped it. Why? Well, it's kind of the same ol' story i've shared a bunch of times over and over, and probably a lot have read it and now gotten tired of it, so change of plans with this one.

In the last 7 months of being married, i've noticed my whole perspective and attitudes towards marriage have shifted. Not too bad for only 7 months worth, imagine what it might be in a year, 5 years, 10 years, 25 years, etc. I remember how pushy i was with advice to my friends about marriage. I had the whole "JUST GO GET MARRIED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!!" mentality. It probably spooked some friends out and maybe that's why no one asks for advice anymore, who knows.

So to make sense of the title and to make it short and sweet, here's what i have learned about marriage so far and how they've grown. Perhaps it might reach out to those that may be skeptical about marriage or simply have some fears of the unknown:


-Marriage isn't this grand love story that is portrayed in movies. What?! You mean the movies aren't real representations of life?! Shocker, i know. Some of the best times i've spent with Natalie have been while we went on walks around Porter Park, shopping for groceries for the next day or week, went on dates to Costa Vida or Kiwi Loco, playing board games, or simply lying in bed talking. Sounds boring to the party-goer single that wants some whirlwind romance, but the whole simplicity of it makes that much more meaningful to me.

-Sharing is easier than i thought it would be. You get to share EVERYTHING with each other. Little bit of the left-overs left in the fridge? Yep, i can scale back and have Natalie eat the rest. Sharing space? No biggie, i don't have much stuff anyways. Finances are still a work in progress, but those getting married soon or sometime in the future, you'll start to notice it gradually comes natural.

-It may have taken longer to get married, but it was worth the wait now that i look back. I can look back at all the failed dates and experiences and thank "The Gardener" for cutting me down at that point to prepare me (for those who know that reference). I didn't have to go out and travel or "find myself" and do a bunch of self-serving things in order to get to this point, God already provided character shaping experiences along the way already. How can you "find yourself" and grow without actually doing those things to work on being the best future spouse as you can? No amount of traveling or selfish adventures can compensate that.

-Whether you're getting married older or you're 18 or so on your first semester, as long as you feel ready for the challenge, that's a great head-start. Age doesn't automatically qualify you for marriage; there are some really mature 18 year olds and some really immature 25-26 year olds. As long as you're ready, you can give yourself the green light; however long it takes.

-Be ready to get your "i'm sorry's" out and use them often. With me, i say a lot of things, unintentionally, that'll either upset or offend someone without me even knowing it. In dating and relationships, i've had to use many "i'm sorry's" and i'm still near the starting line in marriage! It's not a sign of weakness, but a sign of "i'm sorry for being dumb, how can i do better in the future?" (that's how i see it anyways)

-Last but not least, have joy in the journey of it all. It will be the small moments that you get to experience now that later in life you can sit your kids down and say, "Kids...did i ever tell you the story of....?" I can just imagine growing old and being able to give that look to Natalie and have it be like, "hey remember when that happened?" with a smile.

Now i hope no one takes this the wrong way. I'm not expert whatsoever on marriage, nor do i try to masquerade as one. I'd like to be one someday, sure. But right now, if i were to compare marriage to a long and difficult video game, i'd still be in the tutorial mode! Seven months compared to most is barely a blip, but these seven months have made such a difference. I want to keep this good thing going for awhile.

Some parting words to singlehood

So now it's down to being single digits for days until i get married...SINGLE DIGITS! All the headaches and annoyances that have been said and posted on Facebook get to now come to fruition and be a reality. All those pointless angry posts can be even more buried away, thank goodness. Now don't take this thing as a "woohoo no more being single! suck it, single friends! Oh man, i better be annoying and rub this in the face of everyone and remind them via Facebook every single day that i'm going to get married and how wonderful it is and blah blah blah" Nope, just 'cause i'm not one to do that. But i do have some parting words about being single taught me. It's dangerous to be all bloggy around 1 AM when i should be going to bed, but i know i'll just forget it all in the morning if i don't, so whatever. Essentially i just want to say this: Dating is as complicated as you make it. That's it

The years leading up to where i am now, i was this when it came to dating:

Yep...got too excited at a dating opportunity and then i got impatient and tried to go to fast. Didn't work. And i just got to use a Tommy Boy clip, so hey it worked.

Over time until i got to about April 2012, i just did what i always did and went about doing nice things and someone appreciated it and ended up loving me for it.

The point is this:

Women: Be honest and tell the truth about how you feel and wait for Lord's timing
Men: Be honest and tell the truth about how you feel and wait for Lord's timing

See what i did there? Yeah...not too complicated. Looking back, it makes much more sense. If both men and women just said straight up the truth and were honest about how they feel, probably less would have such a hard time with dating. If you're doing all you can and still nothing, that's fine; it works out eventually. You think i wanted to be 25 just get married? No, but it worked out and it's the right time. Same applies for all.

Now i better go to bed before i say more that goes unread :P

Week 12: Divorce, step-families, and aging families

Oh man....this is the last blog post! Mostly excited about it, so hopefully i can make it through this last blog post without ending it too early. But anyways, the last couple of weeks focused on divorce, step-families, and the aging family where kids have left and it's only empty-nesters. Listening more about divorce is just depressing and i never want to come to a point where a divorce would be brought up. Too many people are affected and hurt by it and it's just bad altogether. Like Elder Oaks said in the Mormon Message we watched, if we are ill or sick we don't just give up and pull the plug...you do everything you can to make it better! Marriage is worth fighting for and is an eternal responsibility. Step-families would be hard too, i haven't had to deal with much of them at all in my family, so my insight on them is very limited. And aging familes, my parents are approaching the time when they are empty-nesters in a few years, so that stage will come with retiring and mission and spoiling grandkids, while also taking on chores and responsibilities by themselves.

Woo! that's it! It's been real and it's been fun, maybe not real fun doing these blogs that no one reads...bu whatever

Week 11: Parenting

So for week 11, we talked about parenting and about differing parenting styles. Besides getting married, my next big goal in life is to become a father. Just imaging holding my little baby in my arms as he/she reaches out to poke my face or is peacefully sleeping gets the warm fuzzies all over inside me. With this, i want to be the best dad i can be before i actually become a parent. What could i do now til then? By wanting to make sure the Gospel is taught in my home, by keeping media that i watch and listen to clean and not something i pollute my mind with, and by working hard in schooling and my employment so i can be a great provider.

Also, we talked about the different parenting styles out there: authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive. Authoritarian is when the parent is in charge and the kids have no say in the matter, the "boss has spoken" type of thing. Permissive parents let their children do what they want and want to be "friends" with their children. Authoritative parents are in charge, but they also allow their children to have say in matters, so there is some compromise and negotiation. For me, i want to be that type of parent!

I hope to be a good parent when that time comes...i guess we'll see

Week Ten: Fathers & Finances

Man, i cannot wait til i become a father. Being able to hold my little baby in my arms and seeing life in a very real and whole new sense will be amazing. At the same time, i know thoughts will fill my mind like, "How am i going to fully provide for this child? Am i going to raise him/her to be the best they can be in the Gospel?" It's a lot of hard work, but it'll be so worth it. I see how the media portrays fathers as goofs or someone that's optional and it kind of angers me. With all the studies out there to show the big impact of fathers, i feel fatherhood is just as important as motherhood because both of them need to be present to fully prepare and raise a child. With the Proclamation to the World there, it is pretty dang clear the need for fathers and the role they play in a family. For one, i feel that i'll be up to the challenge and strive to be a good father. I'll use some of the things my own father used to raise me and my brothers and implement them with my own style to hopefully parent the way God wants me to. Let's hope so :)

Week Nine: Communication

Making up for lost blog time actually isn't as hard or laborious as i thought...hmmm...anyway, week nine was about communication within the family. I see communication as HUGELY IMPORTANT in a family; it holds them together when mixed together with love at 350 degrees for eternity minutes (it was a cooking joke...ha....ha....ha) But when we had this lesson, i felt the bright light being shone right at my face. For me, in my mind i thought i was a good listener and communicator. I mean, i want to go into marriage & family therapy, so sure i must be good, right?....WRONG. I had a crash course in how good i'm not around this time when my fiancee was dealing with stress with her homework and reminded me about how she needs to vent sometimes and not have me prescribe solutions for it. With how i felt i listened, i would say things like: "oh don't worry about it", "it's not that big of a deal", and "that's easy, you'll be fine"...not the best when looking back on it. It hit me deep when she said i need to listen better and communicate in a way thats less "i need to fix it now" and more "i'm going to help you through it". Since then, i've gotten slightly better at shutting up and listening and better communicating my thoughts and words and actions more constructively.