Saturday night in Rexburg...not the biggest fan of them, only because i usually have no plans for them (i should fix that, huh?)
Over the years, i have usually been the guy that a number of good friends will go to to vent, to ask advice, be a listening ear/crying shoulder for, and whatever kind of things friends go for. Some may be the kind that don't want to be a vent taker or hear anybody elses drama, but im the kind of breed that doesnt even mind at all. I don't know if that makes me sick to somehow want to hear, but deep down past all my sarcasm and guardedness, is a surprisingly big heart.
I guess part of it deals with my somewhat-not-new-yet-kinda-new plans for my future. At first and for the last few years, i was planning on going into teaching, specifically at the elementary level. Not the most glamorous job in the world, yes im aware of that. But after teaching people in Georgia on the mission for two years, followed by subsequent church callings with teaching, i figured thats what i needed to do! Hooray for teaching! Plus, teaching little kids learn sounds really fulfilling. During this semester, i took a class where i got to help teach little third graders, it was falling into place. But one day, i had a mental crash where i thought, "Whoa...is this what i really want to do???" I somehow incepted that into my brain and it's led me to want to change my major to psychology.
"But Peter, why change to psychology? What's wrong with being a teacher?"
Answer: nothing is wrong with it. But after thinking about it, it came to a few things: all the little details of lesson plans, the stress of dealing with performance-pay scales, and the other bureaucratic bullcrap that teachers have to endure, i had to reconsider. It was never an issue about money for me. But with psychology, i still get to be with people and help council them with problems in a more personal setting.
When i get approached with dating advice, i wonder always what to say because i have had little success in that area. (If you know me or have read my blog, then you know exactly what i mean) Perhaps it's because of my trademark honesty and non-canned answers. A motto of mine i try to use is "one does what one can".
In a way and in my mind, i feel like a friend therapist. A "Superman" of sorts. If someone needs help or advice, i try to fly in and help save the day as best i can. It works sometimes, and then i get the satisfaction of being able to help another person. Thats the kind of guy i am, surprise right? But when "Superman" is in trouble, who helps him?...
So anyways, i'll keep on doing what i do; being there for others. Next patient please...
Yep, that's us :)
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Yes, yet another one about it
For you that know me, i tend to mention dating/relationships/marriage quite often. It's just one of those you get to hear from me if you're one of my friends, simply because i know it to be of massive importance to me. Even in the Church Handbook it says, "The nature of male and female spirits is such that they complete each other. Men and women are intended to progress together toward exaltation." (Handbook 2, 1.3.1) So...it's eternally important, too. So yes, yet another blog about it.
Years ago in a Deseret Book store back in Colorado, there was a picture titled "The Ten Commandments of a Happy Marriage". I looked at it and read every one of them and imagined having that type of picture in my home when i am myself married. After that, i hadn't seen it since. Fast-forward to a few weeks ago, when in a Deseret Book here in Rexburg, i saw the same picture. I smiled as i reminisced about the first time i saw it, but did not buy it. Then today, i splurged and bought it. As i showed my roommates, they thought it was pretty cool, but i got laughed at (by somebody that may or may not named Lerin Bell).
Yes. i realize that me, a single 24 year old guy, bought a picture taking about the "Ten Commandments of a Happy Marriage". It is not a sign of desperation or anything like that, i promise. But here is what those Commandment are, they're pretty good.
1.) Thou shalt always remember that thy marriage is a partnership between thee and thy spouse and the Lord. For in knowing this, Thou wilt have the strength, courage, and determination to conquer all challenges that may come into thy marriage.
2.) Thou shalt cleave unto thy spouse and not let thine eyes wander, nor do anything like unto it. For it is through fidelity and commitment that thou shalt find confidence and trust.
3.) Thou shalt not be selfish with thy time, nor with thy money, nor with anything else that is thine. For in doing this thou shalt avoid resentment and find harmony.
4.) Thou shalt remember that thy parents are good, but need to Give thee space in thy marriage. For it is through relying upon each other that communication and unity is formed.
5.) Thou shalt always remember to call thy spouse sweetheart, honey, or whatever else that makes them happy and to remember the little things. For it is through little acts of kindness that thou shalt find love and tenderness.
6.) Thou shalt remember to always use kind words and cease to find fault with thy spouse. For in doing this thou shalt find peace.
7.) Thou shalt enjoy each others company and remember to date often. For it is in spending time together that one truly gets to know their spouse and find intimacy.
8.) Thou shalt add thy words "im sorry" to thy vocabulary and use them often. For in doing this thou shalt melt down the barriers of anger and resentment and find mutual forgiveness.
9.) Thou shalt recognize and acknowledge the desires, the efforts and accomplishments of thy spouse. For in this thou shalt find appreciation and gratitude for one another.
10.) Thou shalt live within thy means and learn the difference between wants and needs. For in doing this thou shalt avoid needless stress and find contentment.
Grow old along with me!The best is yet to be,The last of life, for which the first was made:Our times are in His handWho saith, “A whole I planned,Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!”
[Rabbi Ben Ezra (1864), stanza 1]
Sister Holland and I were married about the time both of us were reading poems like that in BYU classrooms. We were as starstruck—and as fearful—as most of you are at these ages and stages of life. We had absolutely no money. Zero. For a variety of reasons, neither of our families was able to help finance our education. We had a small apartment just south of campus—the smallest we could find: two rooms and a half bath. We were both working too many hours trying to stay afloat financially, but we had no other choice.
I remember one fall day—I think it was in the first semester after our marriage in 1963—we were walking together up the hill past the Maeser Building on the sidewalk that led between the President’s Home and the Brimhall Building. Somewhere on that path we stopped and wondered what we had gotten ourselves into. Life that day seemed so overwhelming, and the undergraduate plus graduate years that we still anticipated before us seemed monumental, nearly insurmountable. Our love for each other and our commitment to the gospel were strong, but most of all the other temporal things around us seemed particularly ominous.
On a spot that I could probably still mark for you today, I turned to Pat and said something like this: “Honey, should we give up? I can get a good job and carve out a good living for us. I can do some things. I’ll be okay without a degree. Should we stop trying to tackle what right now seems so difficult to face?”
In my best reenactment of Lot’s wife, I said, in effect, “Let’s go back. Let’s go home. The future holds nothing for us.”
Then my beloved little bride did what she has done for 45 years since then. She grabbed me by the lapels and said, “We are not going back. We are not going home. The future holds everything for us.”
("Remember Lot's Wife", January 2009)
It does...
Years ago in a Deseret Book store back in Colorado, there was a picture titled "The Ten Commandments of a Happy Marriage". I looked at it and read every one of them and imagined having that type of picture in my home when i am myself married. After that, i hadn't seen it since. Fast-forward to a few weeks ago, when in a Deseret Book here in Rexburg, i saw the same picture. I smiled as i reminisced about the first time i saw it, but did not buy it. Then today, i splurged and bought it. As i showed my roommates, they thought it was pretty cool, but i got laughed at (by somebody that may or may not named Lerin Bell).
Yes. i realize that me, a single 24 year old guy, bought a picture taking about the "Ten Commandments of a Happy Marriage". It is not a sign of desperation or anything like that, i promise. But here is what those Commandment are, they're pretty good.
1.) Thou shalt always remember that thy marriage is a partnership between thee and thy spouse and the Lord. For in knowing this, Thou wilt have the strength, courage, and determination to conquer all challenges that may come into thy marriage.
2.) Thou shalt cleave unto thy spouse and not let thine eyes wander, nor do anything like unto it. For it is through fidelity and commitment that thou shalt find confidence and trust.
3.) Thou shalt not be selfish with thy time, nor with thy money, nor with anything else that is thine. For in doing this thou shalt avoid resentment and find harmony.
4.) Thou shalt remember that thy parents are good, but need to Give thee space in thy marriage. For it is through relying upon each other that communication and unity is formed.
5.) Thou shalt always remember to call thy spouse sweetheart, honey, or whatever else that makes them happy and to remember the little things. For it is through little acts of kindness that thou shalt find love and tenderness.
6.) Thou shalt remember to always use kind words and cease to find fault with thy spouse. For in doing this thou shalt find peace.
7.) Thou shalt enjoy each others company and remember to date often. For it is in spending time together that one truly gets to know their spouse and find intimacy.
8.) Thou shalt add thy words "im sorry" to thy vocabulary and use them often. For in doing this thou shalt melt down the barriers of anger and resentment and find mutual forgiveness.
9.) Thou shalt recognize and acknowledge the desires, the efforts and accomplishments of thy spouse. For in this thou shalt find appreciation and gratitude for one another.
10.) Thou shalt live within thy means and learn the difference between wants and needs. For in doing this thou shalt avoid needless stress and find contentment.
Awesome, right? Why wouldn't someone be excited about marriage??? Concerns are out there, always. President Monson spoke to the Priesthood at Conference in April 2011. "I
realize there are many reasons why you may be hesitating to take that
step of getting married. If you are concerned about providing
financially for a wife and family,
may I assure you that there is no shame in a couple having to scrimp
and save. It is generally during these challenging times that you will
grow closer together as you learn to sacrifice and to make difficult
decisions. Perhaps you are afraid of making the wrong choice. To this I
say that you need to exercise faith. Find someone with whom you can be
compatible. Realize that you will not be able to anticipate every
challenge which may arise, but be assured that almost anything can be
worked out if you are resourceful and if you are committed to making
your marriage work.
Perhaps
you are having a little too much fun being single, taking extravagant
vacations, buying expensive cars and toys, and just generally enjoying
the carefree life with your friends. I’ve encountered groups of you
running around together, and I admit that I’ve wondered why you aren’t
out with the young ladies.
Brethren,
there is a point at which it’s time to think seriously about marriage
and to seek a companion with whom you want to spend eternity. If you
choose wisely and if you are committed to the success of your marriage,
there is nothing in this life which will bring you greater happiness." ("Priesthood Power", April 2011)
THAT'S A PROPHETIC PROMISE RIGHT THERE!!!
That is why i desire it so much. I'm not planning on getting married in the next week or month or a couple months. I am, however, going to prepare myself to do the best dang job i can to be ready to be married. Remember, if ye are prepared, ye shall not fear.
To wrap up this whole thing up, here are some good words from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland that is definitely useful to about everybody.
"We started this hour with a little verse remembered from one of my
BYU
English classes. May I move toward a close with a few lines from another
favorite poet whom I probably met in that same class or one similar to
it. For the benefit of all BYU students in the new year of 2009, Robert
Browning wrote:Grow old along with me!The best is yet to be,The last of life, for which the first was made:Our times are in His handWho saith, “A whole I planned,Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!”
[Rabbi Ben Ezra (1864), stanza 1]
Sister Holland and I were married about the time both of us were reading poems like that in BYU classrooms. We were as starstruck—and as fearful—as most of you are at these ages and stages of life. We had absolutely no money. Zero. For a variety of reasons, neither of our families was able to help finance our education. We had a small apartment just south of campus—the smallest we could find: two rooms and a half bath. We were both working too many hours trying to stay afloat financially, but we had no other choice.
I remember one fall day—I think it was in the first semester after our marriage in 1963—we were walking together up the hill past the Maeser Building on the sidewalk that led between the President’s Home and the Brimhall Building. Somewhere on that path we stopped and wondered what we had gotten ourselves into. Life that day seemed so overwhelming, and the undergraduate plus graduate years that we still anticipated before us seemed monumental, nearly insurmountable. Our love for each other and our commitment to the gospel were strong, but most of all the other temporal things around us seemed particularly ominous.
On a spot that I could probably still mark for you today, I turned to Pat and said something like this: “Honey, should we give up? I can get a good job and carve out a good living for us. I can do some things. I’ll be okay without a degree. Should we stop trying to tackle what right now seems so difficult to face?”
In my best reenactment of Lot’s wife, I said, in effect, “Let’s go back. Let’s go home. The future holds nothing for us.”
Then my beloved little bride did what she has done for 45 years since then. She grabbed me by the lapels and said, “We are not going back. We are not going home. The future holds everything for us.”
("Remember Lot's Wife", January 2009)
It does...
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
4 19 23 26 29 30
So the last couple of times i've written something, its been those letters to my future kids and wife. i think i'll switch it up this time and go a bit more spiritual/scriptural with some things on my mind from lessons from Priesthood and just talking with others.
On Sunday, we read in Luke 15: 4-7 about the parable of the lost sheep. It says:
4) What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?
"Last Saturday David McNeice, Jr., was buried. He was twenty-two. He had
been married just three weeks. One week ago today he was standing in the
Washington Street Station waiting for a Boston subway train to arrive
when another man, screaming, abusive, and obviously drunk, entered the
station, walked to the edge of the platform, and fell on to the tracks.
Instantly--and I assume instinctively--twenty-two-year-old, newly
married, responsible David McNeice jumped down on the track to help. At
that instant, the train came out of the tunnel. McNeice frantically
waved his arms, and then, as one observer described it to the press, "It
was over so quickly." Not surprisingly, the drunken, abusive, fallen
man survived the experience quite nicely. As they buried David McNeice,
everyone who knew this young couple called it so needlessly, selfishly
senseless.
What does this have to do with the first day of school at BYU [ID]? Well, nothing really--then again maybe everything....
..... In the kind of Christian community we anxiously pursue, we must not even look like what we do not think or believe. And we must never look as if we did not care. That is why we make gentle reminders about dress and grooming. Every year at the start of school I see just a few, a very few, who have "grubby" or immodest clothing or hair that is not trimmed or groomed, and I think, "We have failed to help them understand what we are about at BYU." It is a part, however small, of the mission we have, the witness we bear, the colony we're creating. It is part of governing ourselves once correct principles have been taught and understood. And it is important in far more significant ways than dress and grooming, in far more private arenas of our lives....
....This reminder is, of course, directly applicable to all of us--beginning with the president of the university. If I robbed a bank this afternoon, or, worse yet for you, embezzled the university's operating funds, would I be the only one punished? I might be the only one to get a jail sentence, but you would be the ones punished. You and my wife and my children and my colleagues--all of you would bear part of that shame and burden. BYU and the LDS Church would be severely punished, at least in the public mind, for many years to come. That's unfair, you say, but what is fair about the death of David McNeice, Jr.? You see we are all, in a sense, waiting at the same station together. We each have our own hopes and plans and dreams. But by virtue of our enrolling at BYU we have stated our basic agreement as to which train we will ride and what special rules of conduct we will obey as passengers. Of course, one drunk can stagger into our station and right off the platform, bringing needless, heartrending--and unfair--tragedy to his "friends" (never his "enemies"--his enemies would have left him on the track) almost before the trip has even begun. But the risk David McNeice took is a risk we must run in a Christian community....
I ask you to care for each other the way the David McNeices of the world care. Don't play the part of the drunk. Leave BYU [-ID] months or years from now better than you found it. Study hard. Make every semester count. Like little Annie Greenwood, give the best that lies within you. It is no easy task or convenient colonial duty. It will require much from you, and faithful friends will be a strong defense, I love you and welcome you back to school. "Ye are my friends," Jesus said to his disciples, and with his own life gave them the love than which, he said, there is no greater. "Ye are my friends," he said, "if ye do whatsoever I command you. . . . These things I command you, that ye love one another" (John 15:14, 17).
We're all in this together. If someone is struggling, even with the Honor Code or some sin in their life, please help them out. Don't just let them wander from the fold, drown spiritually, or in the story let them stagger down on the tracks of an approaching train. To get where we want to be, it has to include everybody. By doing so, the joy you'll have of seeing them in heaven with you will be great.
On Sunday, we read in Luke 15: 4-7 about the parable of the lost sheep. It says:
4) What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?
6) And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.
7) I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.
(Here at BYU-Idaho, there are some that looooooveeeee to complain about the Honor Code we have, saying that it forces us to conform or that it limits so much we want to do. If you feel that, read it over and then ponder about how its a daily reminder of the same type of covenants we make when we're baptized, which we should be living everyday anyway...but thats another tangent for another time)
When someone we know is in trouble and struggling with something (i.e. like the Honor Code mentioned above) or with any other type of sin, how eager are we to go and help them out? When the sheep strayed from the flock, im sure it wasn't out of sheer stupidity or willful disobedience to the shepherd, perhaps it's because they saw no danger in going to what they thought was greener pastures. But in any case, because we care for the welfare of that sheep or, in this case a friend, we go out and try to save that person. We leave our comfort zone and go on the rescue, something recently emphasized by the church.
I would hope that no one if they saw somebody drowning would go, "Oh thats too bad, i would help but it's their life. They got into that position themselves, so it's not my job to go in and save them." (If someone did, i'd wholeheartedly smack them in the face) If we're of the responsible type, we'd jump in and try to save them because the physical danger is obvious. But if someone is in spiritual danger, is it evident at all? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Apply the drowning scenario to someone in spiritual trouble and imagine...we're all in this life together, and we should bring each other back with us as well.
Years ago in a BYU devotional, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland talked about "A Faithful Friend is a Strong Defense". Some of the things he said have floored me. I'll sample some of his quotes from it here, then give a good wrapping up on it. It was given back in September 1982, but all of it applies today:
What does this have to do with the first day of school at BYU [ID]? Well, nothing really--then again maybe everything....
..... In the kind of Christian community we anxiously pursue, we must not even look like what we do not think or believe. And we must never look as if we did not care. That is why we make gentle reminders about dress and grooming. Every year at the start of school I see just a few, a very few, who have "grubby" or immodest clothing or hair that is not trimmed or groomed, and I think, "We have failed to help them understand what we are about at BYU." It is a part, however small, of the mission we have, the witness we bear, the colony we're creating. It is part of governing ourselves once correct principles have been taught and understood. And it is important in far more significant ways than dress and grooming, in far more private arenas of our lives....
....This reminder is, of course, directly applicable to all of us--beginning with the president of the university. If I robbed a bank this afternoon, or, worse yet for you, embezzled the university's operating funds, would I be the only one punished? I might be the only one to get a jail sentence, but you would be the ones punished. You and my wife and my children and my colleagues--all of you would bear part of that shame and burden. BYU and the LDS Church would be severely punished, at least in the public mind, for many years to come. That's unfair, you say, but what is fair about the death of David McNeice, Jr.? You see we are all, in a sense, waiting at the same station together. We each have our own hopes and plans and dreams. But by virtue of our enrolling at BYU we have stated our basic agreement as to which train we will ride and what special rules of conduct we will obey as passengers. Of course, one drunk can stagger into our station and right off the platform, bringing needless, heartrending--and unfair--tragedy to his "friends" (never his "enemies"--his enemies would have left him on the track) almost before the trip has even begun. But the risk David McNeice took is a risk we must run in a Christian community....
I ask you to care for each other the way the David McNeices of the world care. Don't play the part of the drunk. Leave BYU [-ID] months or years from now better than you found it. Study hard. Make every semester count. Like little Annie Greenwood, give the best that lies within you. It is no easy task or convenient colonial duty. It will require much from you, and faithful friends will be a strong defense, I love you and welcome you back to school. "Ye are my friends," Jesus said to his disciples, and with his own life gave them the love than which, he said, there is no greater. "Ye are my friends," he said, "if ye do whatsoever I command you. . . . These things I command you, that ye love one another" (John 15:14, 17).
We're all in this together. If someone is struggling, even with the Honor Code or some sin in their life, please help them out. Don't just let them wander from the fold, drown spiritually, or in the story let them stagger down on the tracks of an approaching train. To get where we want to be, it has to include everybody. By doing so, the joy you'll have of seeing them in heaven with you will be great.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Dear Future Wife...
(Seems only fair that since i made a letter to my future unborn children, why not make one to an alive person that i'll eventually marry? Sending an imaginary blog-letter up to heaven is a lot easier than to some woman i may or may not know. Plus the shipping would be a headache, but anyways...)
First off...i would really like to know who and where you are! Searching for has many headaches, not only for me but for others as well.
Please don't be scared off when im being polite or question my motives when i am friendly in a time of need. its just the kind of guy i was raised to be: a guy that is respectful.
Seems like every other guy here is dating or engaged. I'm struggling just to find someone to date regularly to (heaven forbid) become my girlfriend. I wish i knew the answer to that one. Why??? I don't have some factory default do i? Am i too tall? Too goofy? Too nice? Too boring? WHAT?!?!?! (i'm not yelling at you, it's just some venting frustration)
So...you may be asking what qualifications you need? I'm not some conceited prick that has a laundry list of superficial crap. (we all get old and ugly anyway) But anyways, here they are:
Before i finish, i must tell you this...i will love you and cherish you like you won't believe. I don't have a lot, but what i do have i'll give, and make sure that you made the right choice to be married and sealed to me for time and all eternity. Just let me find you...
Love,
Peter
First off...i would really like to know who and where you are! Searching for has many headaches, not only for me but for others as well.
Please don't be scared off when im being polite or question my motives when i am friendly in a time of need. its just the kind of guy i was raised to be: a guy that is respectful.
Seems like every other guy here is dating or engaged. I'm struggling just to find someone to date regularly to (heaven forbid) become my girlfriend. I wish i knew the answer to that one. Why??? I don't have some factory default do i? Am i too tall? Too goofy? Too nice? Too boring? WHAT?!?!?! (i'm not yelling at you, it's just some venting frustration)
So...you may be asking what qualifications you need? I'm not some conceited prick that has a laundry list of superficial crap. (we all get old and ugly anyway) But anyways, here they are:
- between the height of 4'11" and 6'2
- either blonde, brown, black, or red hair
- either brown, hazel, blue, green, etc. color of eyes
- good personality that's compatible with mine. (this is a real kicker. When i say compatible i mean: doesn't guilt me for stupid crap, doesn't judge my motives to be bad or pity driven, doesn't HAVE to like sports; but at least supportive of my like for sports, can jam to my music right alongside with me, can be a dork with me too, etc...)
- i need to be physically, spiritually, and emotionally attracted to...as well as willing to stay in rexburg as i finish my bachelor's degree in 3 or so years.
Before i finish, i must tell you this...i will love you and cherish you like you won't believe. I don't have a lot, but what i do have i'll give, and make sure that you made the right choice to be married and sealed to me for time and all eternity. Just let me find you...
Love,
Peter
Monday, February 20, 2012
Call me crazy or imaginative of a little of both, but...
Sometimes i like to imagine/daydream about my future kids. Not something you usually hear about from some guys, but hey...now you know at least one. I imagine that as they're kicking it up in Heaven waiting to be born, they look down at me from above. Hopefully im doing what i can so that they'd be proud of me, anxious to for me to be their dad. Since i can't talk to them or send a Facebook message, i'll just pretend to send them a letter in blog form. (just use your imagination)
Dear Future Kids,
Oh hey, it's me...your future dad. Can i call you David, Isabella, Shawn, and Chloe? I kind of already have some names in mind for you, so just go with it. Of course, your future mom will have a say in that, so these are just rough draft names for now. So how are you? I already know that answer in a way, since you're in Heaven with our Heavenly Father learning so much about what you're going to be experiencing when you come into this life. You know that it'll have it's ups and downs, but you also know that in the end it'll be all worth it.
I hope when you look down at me from up there, you can have a sense of what kind of guy i am. I'm trying my best down here. A lot of what i do is to be able to be a good father to you and husband to your future mom. Praying, reading scriptures, going to church, going to the temple, being a good all-around person, etc...it's not just for me, it's also for you. Things that my mom and dad have taught me, i try to add upon so that you can be a better person than me.
I wish you could help me with some hints of who your future mom will be. I'm trying to find her, but it's been pretty difficult. Rest assured, whoever the heck she is and if she can handle me as her husband, she'll be a great mom to you. A good way for me to show my love to you guys will be to love your future mom. And i sure as heck will, that's for dang sure.
I'm excited when i get to hold you in my arms as a newborn, getting to give you each a blessing, seeing you laugh and smile and all the other things little kids do as they grow. Hopefully you'll have the blessing of height, perhaps even the "Beckman whirlpool" in your hair. I guess you know how you'll be, but im just having a little fun. I'll love you regardless.
I can't wait to see you in the future.
Sincerely,
Your future dad
Dear Future Kids,
Oh hey, it's me...your future dad. Can i call you David, Isabella, Shawn, and Chloe? I kind of already have some names in mind for you, so just go with it. Of course, your future mom will have a say in that, so these are just rough draft names for now. So how are you? I already know that answer in a way, since you're in Heaven with our Heavenly Father learning so much about what you're going to be experiencing when you come into this life. You know that it'll have it's ups and downs, but you also know that in the end it'll be all worth it.
I hope when you look down at me from up there, you can have a sense of what kind of guy i am. I'm trying my best down here. A lot of what i do is to be able to be a good father to you and husband to your future mom. Praying, reading scriptures, going to church, going to the temple, being a good all-around person, etc...it's not just for me, it's also for you. Things that my mom and dad have taught me, i try to add upon so that you can be a better person than me.
I wish you could help me with some hints of who your future mom will be. I'm trying to find her, but it's been pretty difficult. Rest assured, whoever the heck she is and if she can handle me as her husband, she'll be a great mom to you. A good way for me to show my love to you guys will be to love your future mom. And i sure as heck will, that's for dang sure.
I'm excited when i get to hold you in my arms as a newborn, getting to give you each a blessing, seeing you laugh and smile and all the other things little kids do as they grow. Hopefully you'll have the blessing of height, perhaps even the "Beckman whirlpool" in your hair. I guess you know how you'll be, but im just having a little fun. I'll love you regardless.
I can't wait to see you in the future.
Sincerely,
Your future dad
Saturday, February 18, 2012
I have no idea how to post a thumbnail on the side
So by now, i realize im not the best blogger out there, but i think/attempt to get straight to the point. Other times i try to sound witty or funny, but for now on im going to try to cut all that crap out of it, because having it just plain spoken is more of the real me.
It's been almost 3 weeks since Becky broke up with me. I've been doing better moving past it and trying to parachute back to Earth safely, but it's been rocky still. Typically when you lose someone that you discuss marrying one day and the next you're getting told "i can't be with you...ever", it doesn't just get dropped right away. Getting shot point blank in the chest with the ultimate "no" takes a while to heal, but the good news is that im out of the hospital bed and walking again for my emotional physical therapy. Being off-track hasn't helped that much in getting out and about to meet new people. Do i hate her or spite her for what happened? No way, i couldn't ever do that to her. I'm not gonna lie though, whenever i see her at church or walk by her apartment, i'll occasionally hear the strands of "If You Ever Come Back" from The Script stream on my mental Pandora, perhaps hoping for that chance that most likely won't happen. In that case, i try not to dwell too much on it. I sometimes have to relate the story to that ask, but i try to give a condensed version whenever i can.
With that, i sometimes think, "Man...i did all i could to be the best guy possible, and it still didn't work out...what more can i do for the future?" The answer to that is....well, if i personally had it, i wouldn't be asking. Only God knows. So if my future wife is somehow reading this, all i can say is that im not perfect by any means, but you'll without a doubt know how much you mean to me and have someone loyal and honest (to a fault) as i am right by your side. That's all i'll say about that.
Other than that, work is going good. It can be equal parts fun and crazy, but one thing i've been able to learn is that serving someone else can be rewarding like you can't imagine. Working with those with developmental disabilities tiring, but in the back of mind are the paraphrased words from my boss: "WE help them now, but THEY will be helping us get into Heaven." Think about it
My eyes are getting heavy and i need my weekend sleeping in. (This beats a pen and paper journal any day)
It's been almost 3 weeks since Becky broke up with me. I've been doing better moving past it and trying to parachute back to Earth safely, but it's been rocky still. Typically when you lose someone that you discuss marrying one day and the next you're getting told "i can't be with you...ever", it doesn't just get dropped right away. Getting shot point blank in the chest with the ultimate "no" takes a while to heal, but the good news is that im out of the hospital bed and walking again for my emotional physical therapy. Being off-track hasn't helped that much in getting out and about to meet new people. Do i hate her or spite her for what happened? No way, i couldn't ever do that to her. I'm not gonna lie though, whenever i see her at church or walk by her apartment, i'll occasionally hear the strands of "If You Ever Come Back" from The Script stream on my mental Pandora, perhaps hoping for that chance that most likely won't happen. In that case, i try not to dwell too much on it. I sometimes have to relate the story to that ask, but i try to give a condensed version whenever i can.
With that, i sometimes think, "Man...i did all i could to be the best guy possible, and it still didn't work out...what more can i do for the future?" The answer to that is....well, if i personally had it, i wouldn't be asking. Only God knows. So if my future wife is somehow reading this, all i can say is that im not perfect by any means, but you'll without a doubt know how much you mean to me and have someone loyal and honest (to a fault) as i am right by your side. That's all i'll say about that.
Other than that, work is going good. It can be equal parts fun and crazy, but one thing i've been able to learn is that serving someone else can be rewarding like you can't imagine. Working with those with developmental disabilities tiring, but in the back of mind are the paraphrased words from my boss: "WE help them now, but THEY will be helping us get into Heaven." Think about it
My eyes are getting heavy and i need my weekend sleeping in. (This beats a pen and paper journal any day)
Monday, November 7, 2011
Slowly Learning...
If there was a rewind button option given for this last week, i wouldn't have pressed it to go back (because the past is in the past), but i would have more so violently broken the button. You don't get rewinds in life, even though sometimes they would seem nice. Eventually one comes to grips with reality learns to deal with what has been handed them and to do the best with it. There is a quote from my oldest brother's high school graduation on my fridge back home in Colorado that reads, "I'm convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how i react to it." And judging by that 90%, when heartache or other inconveniences come, i don't immediately react too well. I proverbially trip into a pit and want others to not bother helping me out going, "oh great, this again!" I admit, it does get tiring. But why all the grief and the pain? Others seem to do well enough in my predicament of trying to find an eternal companion. Like those that don't try too hard, seem have it fall into their lap. Those trying hard, like myself, seem to find it more difficult than serving a mission....taking a breath to step back and wonder about it all, i notice that the word "seem" appears quite often. My side is very one-sided. I don't see too much of their own struggles. The point of this is that: all the hardships we're given are always conquerable. We're promised by the Lord that we won't be tried more than we can handle, so He wants us to learn something about ourselves...that we can handle what's thrown at us. Abraham was tested so that he could learn something about Abraham.
What do i learn from feeling like i was shot point blank in the heart last week? That i can take it and make something out of it. You go from feeling like a champ in the fight to be knocked out cold, staring at yourself in the mirror covered with cuts and bruises. More realistically, pleading with God to understand the "why?", the "what now?", and the "how?" to do it all. Lately, those answers have come in the form of friends with A LOT patience and the straight-forward, blunt advice of a father that is always welcome. Christ has His hand extended to someone like me, waiting for me to get up and reach for it.
I'm slowly learning more and more lessons for my life. It will make me a better husband, a better father, and just a better person overall. Lately i put on facebook: "dear future kids, im trying my best down here." Yes, i do wonder about those things, it's not as weird as you might think. I want to be the best person i can be that my kids looking down would be proud of. And my future wife (whoever and wherever she is) would appreciate that too.
So i said that i'm slowly learning, and i am...it'll take patience from others as well as myself. Don't give up on me just yet. Yes, "the best is yet to be", Mr Browning.
What do i learn from feeling like i was shot point blank in the heart last week? That i can take it and make something out of it. You go from feeling like a champ in the fight to be knocked out cold, staring at yourself in the mirror covered with cuts and bruises. More realistically, pleading with God to understand the "why?", the "what now?", and the "how?" to do it all. Lately, those answers have come in the form of friends with A LOT patience and the straight-forward, blunt advice of a father that is always welcome. Christ has His hand extended to someone like me, waiting for me to get up and reach for it.
I'm slowly learning more and more lessons for my life. It will make me a better husband, a better father, and just a better person overall. Lately i put on facebook: "dear future kids, im trying my best down here." Yes, i do wonder about those things, it's not as weird as you might think. I want to be the best person i can be that my kids looking down would be proud of. And my future wife (whoever and wherever she is) would appreciate that too.
So i said that i'm slowly learning, and i am...it'll take patience from others as well as myself. Don't give up on me just yet. Yes, "the best is yet to be", Mr Browning.
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